A Letter to Charles
by I.Tripped.Over.Reality
Summary: A tear stained letter from Silena Beauregard to Charles Beckendorf after he died. Might continue if people want me to. Oneshot.


**Hey guys! **

**This idea had been bothering me like crazy. I just **_**had **_**to write it down. I'm sorry if there are grammar mistakes and repetitiveness and stuff because I really got carried away thinking of myself as Silena.**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

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><p>Dear Charles,<p>

I miss you. Where can I begin? Oh Charles, I miss you so much! I love you! I need you! And I'm so sorry; all this is my fault...

I'll try to be as clear as possible for your sake. Gods, I miss you, Charles. I miss you tons. I miss you every second. Every time I think about you, its like a stab to my heart. It hurts so much to have lost you, you have no idea. Especially when its all my fault...

I remember everything so clearly. Remember the time you forced me to have ice - cream when I was on my low fat diet? I still laugh about it. You had to force it down my throat, I remember how you kept insisting. And then remember when I took you Pegasi riding and you fell off your Pegasus? I was laughing so hard, and I didn't admit it, but I was wondering if you were okay. The fall was bad. I remember teasing you about having a crush on mom, gods Charles, you still like her? ;)

I remember the time I told you about the way that I felt. I remember the feeling of euphoria when you told me you felt the same. Do you remember, when we weren't in a relationship, when I used to like you and neither you nor i knew that, you told me, and here I quote your exact words - I care for you more than you do for me. I was so indignant! And you were so hasty in taking your words back because of my fierceness! But yes, you were right. At that time, you certainly did. Only at that time.

I remember what you made of "Adidas" in your attempt to be romantic - All Day I Dream About Silena. That was so cute of you! Thank you for trying to be romantic... the way you know I like it. But I must congratulate you, you surprisingly are a natural.

I remember the first time you held me... you were so shy! You ran away in like, 30 seconds, but it was enough to moisten my eyes. I remember the first time you kissed me... the way you took control and made _me_, the Daughter of Aphrodite, feel slightly nervous about kissing a boy. I remember how it was your confidence that made the stupid nervousness go to Tartarus, I remember the way my breathing was short and fast when you were about to kiss me, I remember the electric current that went through my entire body when your lips met mine... I remember it so well.

I remember how it felt when we sneaked out on our first date... it was so fun. I remember how you kept on whispering absolutely cliché and sappy romantic stuff in my ear, I wanted to laugh and kiss you at the same time! I remember the feeling of pride when we won that game of Capture the Flag against the Athena and Ares cabin together. It was so amazing!

I remember all our silly little plans for the future, our teasing and bickering, our attempt at making a painting... but we ended up painting the floor with words instead! And do you remember how we tried dancing together... and how we weren't doing too well, but it was fun anyway? Do you remember how you suddenly picked me up and swung me around and then dropped me down ... and then I started thinking I was fat again? Looking back on it, it was so funny! It took so much of effort for you to reassure me that I wasn't fat. I remember how we secretly held hands around the campfire every night, though I suspect everyone saw us anyway. I remember the secret looks we shared every time we passed each other by. I remember everything, Charles. Everything.

I remember all your intellectual talks with me. You really are a gem of a person, Charles. You didn't deserve to die. You didn't. You really didn't. I remember your strong opinions about the world around us, the unfairness of the gods, the unfairness of the wars... I remember it all. And of course I remember you being my tutor! I remember how I wasn't able to cope up with the correspondence school Physics. I remember how you explained everything so well that I topped the class! I remember how proud you were of me. You explained it so well that even after all these years, I remember it very well. I remember how you taught me to play basketball and let me win on purpose so I could be happy. I remember the few times we fought, Charles. And though it was unpleasant, I'd give anything to live through all those moments with you again.

You've taught me so much, Charlie. I've become a better person all because of you. I can proudly say I'm much less superficial than my other siblings - all because of you. I spend less time on gossiping and talking about immaterial things and more on doing things that matter - like trying to prepare myself for the war I have a huge role in causing, even though I'm pretty hopeless at battle. You've taught me that like a machine, a person's beauty is on the inside, and the outside doesn't matter. I know that's why you love me Charles. I know you love me not because of the way I look, but because of who I am, even with my numerous faults. Though I don't know if you'd feel the same if you knew... You taught me optimism, Charles. You taught me to believe in myself and not lose faith. You've taught me the true meaning of life, Charlie, and I love you for it.

You were there for me when I was sinking into depression. Somehow, you knew how to balance the sympathy with strictness and solution so as to not let me sink in self-pity. Gods, Charles. You knew how to handle everything. I remember how you wiped my tears away whenever I cried, comforted me and kissed away the pain. I remember how you made me feel so special, baby. I remember how you made me feel beautiful, inside and out. You made me feel important and loved. You made me feel happy. You made me feel like the luckiest girl alive. And you made me feel emotions that I don't know names for, and I thank you for that. I thank you for everything.

Charles, I've lost you. I've lost you. I'VE LOST YOU! You're gone forever, and I can't get you back! And worst of all, its all my fault. _All my fault. _I'm confessing, _I _was the spy who got you killed. _I _told Kronos all about your plans. You died because of me. And I hate myself. I'm not beautiful like you thought I was. I'm not amazing or special. I'm just horrible. Rubbish. I'm a monster. I killed the person I love the most in the world. But I repent it. Oh Charlie, I am so sorry. If there was any way to get you back... I'd do it. Anything.

Because I love you. I need you. I miss you. I've lost you. Please come back! I love you, sweetheart. I love you. I love you for being the most intelligent and special person I've ever known. I love you for being there for me. I love you for being yourself, Charlie. I love you for so much more, I love you for reasons I don't know the words for.

But the simple fact of the matter is, I love you, Charles Beckendorf. You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

I'm sorry that I killed you. I will forever live with the guilt of being your murderer, and I hope I get my due punishment when I die. But before that, I will avenge your death. Luke told me if I did this, you wouldn't be harmed. Luke lied to me. He won't be unharmed. Not while I'm alive. I love you, my Charlie. I love you. I need you back! I wish you'd come back! Talk to me! Please! Don't leave me alone. Please. I beg you. Please. I love you. I love you so very much!

I don't know if this letter will ever reach you. But now I have to go. I hope you attain the Isles of the Blest - and I'm sure you will. If anyone deserves it, you do. Wherever you are Charlie, I love you. You are my life.

With Love,

Silena

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><p><strong>I hope you liked it! Let me know :) Please review!<strong>

**Thanks for reading this!**

**~ I Tripped Over Reality **


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